I'm afraid.

I think I have philophobia.

I look back into my relationships.

and I realize that I did have chances.

I have so many chances to love on others, yet I don't take them.

Why am I so afraid?

It may seem that I am obsessed with love, with all my fantasies about marriage and my husband.

But in reality, I'm scared to death.

I am so scared to offer up my heart to someone, someone who could easily just reject what I have so faithfully guarded and protected.

I am so scared that I may not be enough, that my flaws will overwhelm whatever merit I have.

I am so scared that though the love may be there, time will suffocate what used to exist.

I am so scared....

I don't know what brought on this mutated perception of love.

Why can't I have hope in pure love?

The Bible says:

Love is patient, Love is kind,
It does not envy, it does not boast,
It is not proud, It is not rude,
It is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered,
It keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil,
but rejoices with the truth.

Love always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.

Love bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends.

L o v e N e v e r F a i l s.

Can this really exist?

I know that God exhibits this kind of love, but can I have the same faith that people are capable of it too??

And even sometimes, I'm scared to lay myself bare for the Perfect one.

What if I am too much for Him?

What if He cannot pick up my slack?

But He is perfect.. though people are not.

All I want now is to curl up into His arms and be with Him.

Show me pure love.