Purity

I really don't have the time to be doing this right now, but I still want to because wasting time is my FAVORITE-est THING TO DO!!

Wooooot!

Anyways, I've been thinking on marriage, once again.

I seriously think I have a problem.

Tangent.

A lot of times, I wish that God would hurry it up, and just give me my husband already. Scratch "a lot of times" and replace with "all the time".

I know so many girls who don't want to get married just yet and enjoy their single life, but I don't know about me. I've been single for a great majority of my life, if not 99% of my life, and I'm ready to settle down. I don't know if it's just me thinking that marriage is an easy commitment, or if it's me just being lonely. It's probably both. I've given a lot of thought into marriage, but it's always the same thought: "I want to quit school and get married." But if I have such high expectations for my husband, I shouldn't give up on my own self right? I should be the best gift that God could give to my husband, right? Gosh that's hard.

I'm really scared that my husband's not going to be pure. I've been working so hard to keep my purity, by not dating, not kissing, stuff like that, and I just hope that my husband values me just as much. It may be short-sighted of me. Yeah. That is a bit short-sighted. I am not pure either. I am so willing to marry just about anyone right now (okay. a bit exaggerated).

And over all of this, I know I want to fall in love with God first before I fall in love with any man. But dang.. it's so hard waiting for that to happen. And of course, it's nobody else's fault but mine. If I spent enough time with God, I'm sure that I would have fallen in love with God a LONG time ago. I mean, who else is as amazing as He is? Nobody.

God. Give me the strength and the patience to wait for my husband.

I pray that He would be seeking you and falling in love with you every day. I pray for his purity, that he would find it important to keep himself pure for me.

Lord, give me the discipline to be a woman of God. I want to be so lost in you that he has to look for You in order to find me. I want to be a humble servant in the background, who is loyally committed to her husband and to her children. I want a heart of gold, refined in YOUR fire, fully devoted to You. I want to be the best gift You have ever given to him, other than your sacrifice on the cross.

God, I need patience and most importantly, You.

Help me to fall in love with You.

That is my greatest prayer request. Sorry that I'm selfish Lord, but this is what I really want.

And then, since the year is ending....

I've been realizing day by day, how amazing these kids are here.

Of course, they're all smart, but their hearts are so .... AMAZING!

So many of them desire and hunger for the Lord, and I am so humbled in their midst.

They are so accomplished, and yet, they still rely on the Lord to carry them through.

THAT is true humility.

I want to be that muhsheetsuh.

One day, I will become like them. Hoho.

I am so lucky to be at a school like Dartmouth.

I am so so so lucky.

Even though there were times I wanted to leave this year, I know that through it all, it was a blessing.

Roger out.