Innocence

Dear Friends,

Where has all our innocence gone?

Where has my innocence gone?

It seems like in the span of a year, we have all grown up so much.

It seems as if just yesterday, we were in middle school, vowing away drugs, alcohol, sex.

Now, I am so used to it, that I want to not care about it.

It seems as if just yesterday, hot, passionate tears flowed down our faces as we devoted ourselves to God.

Now, I am scared to have emotions, so that I won't appear fake.

Today, I thought about those hot summer days when I would jump on my moms bed without a care. I don't know why I always come back to that memory.

Maybe it's the idea that my parents were just enjoying watching us kids go crazy around the house.

I remember my samchoon, my eemo and my parents sitting around a table, laughing about stories of their children.

what happened to that youth? that excitement?

It seems that now, all they have is extra bags and wrinkles. Their talk is not as animated anymore, and their talk revolves around how hard life is. Did I just miss that topic when I was young? Or, is life just getting harder?

I think that's why I'm so excited to have kids.

So I can somehow relive my childhood through them.

I imagine that upcoming time of my life to be so blissful, so peaceful, so perfect.

But it probably won't be. right?

It's hard, knowing that people will change.

That when we go off to college, our relationship will never again be the same.

Let's take advantage of it. yeah?

Love,

Ashley

God.

How do you have so much patience with me?

Sometimes, I'm so fake to you.

Sometimes, I give you an impure worship.

Sometimes, I am ungrateful of the body, the family, the situations you've given me.

Sometimes, I'm scared to defend you.

God, there is no way I can deny that you exist, so help me to go all the way.

Don't allow me to just stop here.

I know I am not in the position to ask you for favors.

But.. can you help me?

Help me to encourage others. Help me to support others. Not from above, but from below.

Thank you so much for just listening.

How lucky I am to have a God who listens to me.

Ashley