So. what does a rejected person feel like?
I was upset. obviously.
I've been preparign myself for the moment for weeks now, and still, I was caught off guard. I couldn't help thinking, what did I do wrong? What should I have done better? I went back through my high school years, and picked out the areas I could have performed better or tried harder.
It was really disappointing. All those nights of staying up asking for revisions while enduring the stabs at my babies disappeared into oblivion with a single email. All that searching for what made me different, all that wondering who I was and what I wanted was gone.
and then. i thought. Man. How disappointing. There were some people who legitimately expected me to get in, thinking that if they tried just as hard as I did in high school, anything was possible. My rejection only proved that effort wasn't nearly enough to see dreams out.
I put on a smile to not worry those who asked if I was okay. I wasn't, but there was nothing that could satiate me.
But now, I realize, day by day, that perhaps this wasn't the path God wanted me to take. In theory, I gave my life up to God, giving him supreme authority over my life. Therefore, I know that there is a greater plan for me and that God will take care of me. Maybe, he knew I couldn't survive at Stanford. Maybe my future husband is waiting for me somewhere else.
Of course, this is nowhere near easy. I am not one to fail often, and I hate it. I struggle to convince myself of a greater plan.
But.. it's happening. regardless of the speed.
so
Thank you God.
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